Okay, s
o I thought about what you would think when I started writing this post. Which is ironic, because the moral of my post is to stop worrying about what other people think.
Well, it’s more like, ignore your obsession with other people’s thoughts.
To get a taste of my obsession here’s what I think YOU’LL think about me after you read my story:
1.) She’s Scrooge, reincarnated.
2.) She’s the Grinch, who stole Christmas.
3.) She’s a little nuts.
I give you full permission to think these thoughts. Think away! These are your thoughts. Not mine. You have control over them. I don’t. That’s the whole point.
Sigh. And I don’t want to try and manipulate your thoughts about me anymore. It’s too exhausting.
My perfect Christmas
Pre-2009, I did Christmas right. I sang in a Christmas choir. I sent personal, hand-written cards to each of my friends and family. I gave gifts. I put up decorations. I went to my office Christmas party. I ate fudge. I drank whiskey. I drove hundreds of miles in blizzards to visit in-laws. I went into serious consumer debt.
And, I pretty much hated it all. Yep. “Dread” was the first word that came to mind when I thought about the holidays. I came up with about 12 different serious, life-threatening illnesses I could pretend to get on the day of my office Christmas party to have an excuse not to go.
Here’s why. Christmas was the height of my approval-seeking madness. I wanted to give the perfect gift to several dozen people, be the perfect neighbor with the perfect lights, send the perfect card. Not because I enjoyed it. No … because the thought that if I didn’t do it, people wouldn’t like me, wouldn’t love me, wouldn’t approve of me. It was a requirement I couldn’t skip in the approval-seeking game. What was awful about it, was that I never quite measured up to my perfect standards.
When I stopped giving presents
Even when I stopped giving Christmas presents two years ago, and gave up sending Christmas cards, I was still obsessed with making my decision to do that okay in other people’s eyes. I lobbied (hard) for a family Christmas-gift exchange, and a saner, quieter holiday. I wanted my family to say, “Yes, you’re totally right. We’ll do exactly what you want.”
When I told my story about why I gave up giving presents, I got to feel superior, smarter, and a lot lonelier. I had a lot of “good” reasons for what I was doing, but believe me, I wasn’t approving of it in my own mind. I was waiting for everyone else to approve of it, before I gave myself permission to celebrate the holiday any which way I pleased. This made me miserable. It made me mean. It made me Scrooge.
A Sane Christmas
This year, for the first time in a long time, I’m actually enjoying the holidays. Why? Because I’ve given up trying to control what people think about me and how I celebrate it and how they celebrate it. I’m doing it my way, and I’m letting other people do it their way. This is the only sane way to live.
Will I give gifts? Maybe a few. Will I send cards? Yes. Will I decorate the tree? Yes. Why? Because it feels good this year to me. It’s just something fun to do. It has nothing to do with my self-image anymore or being perfect. It’s about focusing on what’s really in my control (my thoughts and feelings) and leaving other people’s thoughts and feelings alone.
I encourage you to do the same.
In fact, I give you full permission to live your life in December the only way you know how to live it – your way. If that means giving everyone you know a present, then so be it. If that means ditching the office Christmas party for a quiet night with your loved one or a favorite book, so be it. If that means putting up bright reindeer on your lawn, so be it. If that means never doing the frantic, last-minute shopping run again, then so be it.
It’s all up to you.
If you want to end your Christmas madness, contact me to set up a complimentary A-Ha Moment Session and learn what it’s like to feel free again during the holidays.
